To the one who is in search of a reset button

Hey,

I know you would have thought about this at least once. What if you get to reset everything and start afresh? Well, it is tempting, but what would you have done differently? Would you have been more cautious, more understanding, less judgemental, more practical, or more impulsive? Well, the what-if scenarios never end. Everytime I get posed with an inconvenience, I wonder if I would get a chance to change everything, things that I think went wrong in the past.

We are generally very hard on ourselves, at least I am. We can be our worst critics, but we often take a step back to give ourselves credit where it’s due. I have seen people who themselves are their biggest cheerleaders, and I wonder whether things are easy for them. Well, we never know. Sometimes, we should cut ourselves some slack even while being the worst critic. Maybe it’s not the past that we need to change but ourselves.

All those things that you think you might do differently now, what age were you then? What did you even know about the world? If you think about it, it is those things that made you the person you are today. I am not asking you to sweep your past actions under the rug. The very fact that you are retrospecting them and that it helps you introspect your thoughts now is the biggest takeaway.

I know all this would not make sense when you are having a bad day and are holding yourself responsible for your actions. But give yourself some time. When your mind is clear of all the self-criticism, self-loathing, and judgments, think about ways to rectify them. Look for ways to shed that baggage, move forward, and help yourself. One should be responsible and accountable towards oneself but do not forget you are human too.

Not even for a second should you think that it is just you. I was in pursuit of this reset button for a long time, and sometimes I still am. But deep down, we do know that it doesn’t exist. It is a matter of accepting it and finding the strength to face things the way they are. I know how easy it is to preach these things, but if only you can exercise them at least once, it will bring you hope. As everyone says, nothing is constant, and things will keep changing. When you get the opportunity to change and do things differently, grab that chance. I believe it is your past that makes you the person you are today, and it is your present that makes you who you will be in the future. Let’s not lose out on a better tomorrow by holding onto the past, for there is no reset button, only a future yet to be built.

Supportive & understanding,
A work-in-progress self

Just Another Day

Autumn is here. I think it is a bit late this year. I took a stroll today. Well, I had to go to the supermarket to buy some groceries. But yeah, why not romanticize life a little? There is a church near my house, and today, there seemed to be some ceremony because there were several people present. Right when I reached in front of the church, there was a cold breeze, and leaves started flying around. It was as if the branches were dancing to the music created by the breeze. Some leaves did get tangled in my hair, but it felt good. It wasn’t dark as the sun hadn’t set.

The sky was pretty clear, and it was as if somebody had oil painted with shades of blue. On the way, a tree-lined path led to the campus buildings. The signal had turned green for the vehicles, and we pedestrians had to wait until it turned red to cross the road. Surprisingly, I did not feel annoyed; it seemed as if the green signal was glowing with the trees in the background. The cold breeze had a soothing effect on my senses, almost like a gentle embrace from nature. It amuses me how something as simple as the wind can have such a calming influence. While I have walked this path many times before, it was as if I was experiencing it with a fresh perspective.

When I brushed aside the strands of hair from my face, even though it was for a fleeting moment, I could sense the unadulterated joy that filled me. I was sure I would remember this moment for the next few days. There would have been countless such moments in life, but this time around, I chose to recognize it. I chose to make it a memory. It will remind me of the beauty and wonders that can be found in everyday life, even in the most familiar places.

Maybe nature was announcing the change of seasons. Most of the things look hopeful and poetic when the perspective changes. Sometimes, nature offers the best therapy one could ask for, providing us with serenity and solace. Maybe it was myself longing for some positivity. A moment of reflection and appreciation for things around us can change considerable things or even make us happy and bring a smile.

To the one with dreams, ambitions and wishes

Hey,

Everyone has dreams, and you too would have many. People often confuse dreams, wishes, and ambitions as the same thing. To me, they are all different. My ambition is to have a satisfying career, while my dream is to build a life together. My wishes can be categorized if I put them analytically. Some of them are common, like the ones everyone might have on their bucket list. But that is not what I want to tell you about. Do you also have these sets of wishes you know are so simple, yet not that simple? You want to live them, but you cherish the idea of them so intensely that you are scared if they happen, you might no longer be able to hold on to them. Does it even make any sense? Well, I don’t know.

I have a set of fancy wishes that I hold close to me. I live them vicariously. Whenever I have a bad day or feel filled with some kind of nostalgia, I think about these little wishes of mine. They’re not huge; they’re tiny things that make me feel good. They help me escape into another world where I’m not bound by my everyday problems. They take me to a world where I can smile without the uncertainty of what will happen next, where I don’t need to fear judgment.

If I were to think about it, I could easily make them come true, but I feel I might lose the warmth or the hope of a future once I fulfill them. They provide me with comfort, which keeps me going, and the motivation to be a better person. Sometimes, it is the idea of the wish we love that we create a delusion around it. We brew stories and hypothesize. I could make them all happen, and there isn’t anything stopping me, but somehow, I am in love with their idea that I fear losing it.

You might think I’m insane or borrowed some fanciful idea from the novels I’ve read. But I feel this is what makes me the person I am. If you give it some thought, you might also have such weird little wishes you hold so close to you that you have fallen in love with them. If they materialize, they might not live up to the standards you set, and they might disappoint you. It might not make any sense, but you cherish the idea so much that you are scared that you will be left with nothing, without any hope.

Procastinating & hopeful
A dreamy self