Hey,
I enjoy reading books, and currently, I have many books at home, all written in a language I do not know. There are books written in English available online, books that I have wish-listed. However, I find happiness just looking at these books, knowing I cannot read them until I learn the language. This is precisely how I prioritize and choose among things.
Am I missing the obvious? Why am I searching for hidden words when there is hardly any meaning? Why do I tend to exaggerate the smallest of things while I ignore well-stated facts? Why do I oscillate between fiction and reality when I am well aware of the bridge between them?
I want to dance. I want to scream out loud. I want to run. I want to fly. I want to breathe. My hands are tied, my legs are numb, and not a word comes out of my mouth while I wait to bare my soul. All it takes is just a word, but you do not know the struggle that lies behind it.
It all seems simple yet complicated. I am constantly revisiting the past and continuously being anxious about the future. Amidst all this, I forget the present, the only reality that matters. I ask myself if this is what I want or what it is that I want. I seek answers, yet I see no solutions.
Do you have it all figured out? How does it feel not to worry about uncertainties? Is it as simple as saying, ‘Don’t be anxious about the future, just relax’? People often advise taking risks, but I find myself torn between practicality and romanticizing life. I yearn for days when I don’t merely live vicariously but make my dreams a reality. Does a perfect balance even exist? I’m not fragile, but I can break too. I’m not running away; I fulfill my responsibilities by doing chores and paying my bills. I’m not oblivious, and what I need isn’t a reality check. What I long for is a smile, a pat on the back, and reassurance that I’m not the only one, that I am not alone.
Lost & yearning,
A tired soul
coffee table 